Wedding vs Birth

Why Do We Spend £20,000 on a Wedding—But Struggle to Justify Support for Birth and Postpartum?

Let’s just name it: the average wedding in the UK now costs over £20,700. That’s months—sometimes years—of planning. Researching, interviewing, testing, practising. Booking the venue. Picking the dress. The flowers. The food. The playlist. All the little details to make it beautiful and unforgettable.

And don’t get me wrong—weddings are wonderful. Celebrating love is important.

But so is preparing for birth. So is being supported through postpartum. So is honouring the huge physical, emotional, and psychological transformation that comes with becoming a mother.

So why is it still so common to invest more into a single day than into the experience of bringing a new life into the world—and recovering from it?

Postpartum care in the UK is still so under-supported, misunderstood, and undervalued. I see it all the time as a doula—and I felt it myself when I became a mother.We’re not failing. The system is.

Here’s what’s really going on:

1. Productivity is valued over rest. We live in a culture that sees productivity as worth. Rest is often viewed as laziness. Support is seen as indulgent. Society doesn’t honour Matrescence—the transition into motherhood—is as big as adolescence, yet we act like it’s no big deal. Other cultures honour it with rest, food, massage, care. In the UK, we celebrate “getting back to normal.” But here’s the thing: you’ve just created life. You are not meant to “bounce back.” You’re meant to be held, nourished, and supported as you become a new version of yourself. 

2. “The baby is healthy” is treated as the only outcome that matters. Once the baby is here, the spotlight shifts completely. Your wellbeing becomes an afterthought. But birth changes you. Postpartum isn’t just a phase—it’s a life-altering season. We can’t keep pretending that women’s health and recovery don’t matter.

3. We’ve been taught that support is a luxury. Hiring a doula? Going to postnatal classes? Booking pelvic health physio? Asking for help? When in reality, support is not a luxury—it’s a lifeline. But too often, they’re treated like optional extras—and many women feel guilty for even wanting them. If the NHS doesn’t provide it, it feels like we shouldn’t need it. That needs to change.

4. The invisible work of mothering is still undervalued. Because mothering is unpaid and often unseen, it’s treated like it doesn’t need support. But what could be more important than raising the next generation? What could be more deserving of care?

5. Culturally, we don’t know how to ask for help. We live in a culture that worships resilience and independence. We’ve normalised “just getting on with it.” We’ve been sold the idea that needing help means you’re failing. So when a new mum is struggling, she often thinks she’s the problem. She’s not. The problem is the unrealistic pressure to bounce back, to cope alone, to be endlessly grateful just because the baby is healthy. Gratitude and struggle can exist at the same time. We need to name that. 

But here’s the kicker: We don’t spend the money on birth either.

We often pour money into everything around the birth—like a beautiful nursery, baby clothes, and gadgets. But when it comes to the birth itself, we rely on a system that is over-stretched, underfunded, and doesn’t always provide the level of care and support we need. We don’t always think about investing in things that will actually help us during birth—things like private midwifery care, birth doulas, or really good quality birth preparation courses. These things are sometimes seen as “nice to have” or even frivolous, despite being able to dramatically improve the birth experience and outcomes.

So what needs to change?

We need a mindset shift:  That sees rest, recovery, and care as essential.  That views support as smart, not shameful. That understands investing in postpartum isn’t just about you—it impacts your baby, your relationships, your mental health, your long-term wellbeing.  That recognises the value in spending money on both birth and postpartum support—not just the wedding day or the baby clothes.

It’s not always about spending more. Sometimes it’s just about choosing differently.

 Maybe instead of another baby grow from Janet at work, you ask for contributions toward a postpartum doula, lactation consultant, osteopathy, nourishing meals, or yoga.
 Maybe you rally your community around you before birth instead of waiting until you’re already depleted.
 Maybe you choose to prepare for postpartum like you would for a wedding—thoughtfully, with love, and with the belief that it’s a moment that deserves to be supported and celebrated.

Because you deserve more than “you and the baby are healthy—off you go.”
You deserve help.
You deserve rest.
You deserve to be seen.

Let’s normalise investing in the stuff that actually helps us feel okay.
Let’s stop waiting for permission to take our needs seriously.
And let’s build a culture that values care as much as cure.

If you’re expecting and wondering how to actually prepare for life after birth—get in touch. I’d love to walk with you through it.